Constructive Thinking

Submitted by thayne on Tue, 09/18/2012 - 18:30
Do you consider yourself an optimist, pessimist or somewhere in-between?
This article is about shaping constructive thought patterns in order to create a better you!

Disclaimer:

I hate to start any article with a disclaimer, but I feel that this one thing must be brought out into the open: I am not a professional psychiatrist. I just have some advice based on my own experience and help from a caring mentor. However, I feel that what follows is sound advice for being happy.

Think Constructively:

I have developed a practice over the years that I like to call "constructive thinking". This method constitutes controlling what thoughts you choose to allow to play out in your mind and which thoughts to suppress. It is my belief that suppressing non-constructive thoughts and replacing them with constructive ones can cure almost any problem and shape our character.

Suppress Negative Thoughts:

Have you ever caught yourself thinking things like "I'm no good at anything.", "Other people are so much better/smarter/kinder/funnier/etc. than me.", "no matter what I do I always mess up". These thoughts are all deconstructive and tend to lead us to even more deconstructive thoughts and unhappiness. A deconstructive thought will not do anything good for you in the least. Beating yourself up like this is wrong and you don't deserve it. You may at times think you deserve it, but it is not true.

Whenever a negative thought enters your mind, kill it. Period. If you let negative thoughts play out, they most certainly will take over. Don't let it happen, ever if you can help it. But you may ask, "What if those thoughts are true? Aren't I just deceiving myself and blinding myself to the truth?" The answer is yes and no. First of all, everything depends on point-of-view. What seems true to you may not actually be true from someone else's perspective. Another way to think of it is as a form of self deception. Deceive yourself so that you don't focus on the negative, but on the positive, and your positive thought patterns will eventually change you into a happier person. The practice you need to adopt is one of replacing all negative/deconstructive thoughts with positive/constructive ones. Some examples follow.

I am so stupid. --> I am not stupid, I am smart, I just need to focus and keep trying.
I am fat. --> The shape of my body doesn't matter, what matters is that I keep healthy.
So-and-so probably thinks I am annoying --> So-and-so can think whatever they want. I'm a good person.
I'm such a jerk --> I'm not a jerk, I just made a mistake, it's normal to make mistakes. I'll do better in the future.

Replace Concerns with Solutions:

In some cases, we're not necessarily thinking negatively, we're just worrying about legitimate concerns. The "Constructive Thinking" approach is to include a plan to eliminate those concerns so that the worries do not inundate you. These plans are constructive because when we have a plan to overcome the concerns we can fall back to that idea and avoid negative thought cycles. For example, supposing I have an assignment overdue at work that is causing me stress. I can think constructively about the situation to harness energy in the right direction rather than waste time worrying. Here are some examples:

I am way overdue on this assignment --> My plan is x (get help, talk to the boss, etc.), therefore things will work out.
I am dishonest --> I'll make things right by doing x. I'll be more careful in the future.
How am I going to pay the rent? --> I'll make/borrow/get the money by doing x. Things will work out if I keep trying.
My kids are horrible --> I'll try x this time. And never quit trying until something works. They're good kids, It'll be alright.
Using these techniques, denying negative thoughts to play out, and replacing worries with solutions, we can lead happier and more productive lives. These techniques take time and legitimate effort to take root but will definitely work. Just follow this pattern:

Recognize a negative or deconstructive thought
Kill it by doing one of the following:
Replace it with a positive thought
Replace it with a plan that resolves the concern
If the deconstructive thought returns, repeat this thought process. You may need to repeat several times. There are of course many other practices that can be applied along with this process. To name a few: Never compare yourself to others (this is deconstructive); Accept sincere compliments instead of denying them; Try to focus on serving others instead of serving yourself.

This method was taught to me by a wise mentor and has helped me get out of depression. It worked for me and it will work for you if you never give up. Good luck!